Is the 'stack half full, or half empty?
Answer: Neither. It's half off.
Hello. This is Laura Fox—General Manager and VP of Mixed Metaphors for The American Bystander. I’m coming to you a day early this week because MG is out of the office for a few days, and you know what that means.
July has been bonkers insane thus far. We’ve brought you the following ALREADY:
We announced the publication of our first book, D. Watson’s Out of Line.
The Last Great Back Issue Sale is happening and quantities are limited omg!
We posted an EXCLUSIVE First Look at Jack Handey’s new novel Escape From Hawaii.
We launched a new Sunday feature—The Great Sunday Debate, wherein MG, MP, and I share our opinions on a topic and YOU discuss it with us in the comments. (I wanted to call it “Bystander Cage Fight!!!” but they said no.)
And we’re not done. Because first of all it’s not even halfway through the month yet, and also because MG is on vacation so let’s do something KOOL.
Here’s what that kool thing is: From today until Monday, July 17, 2023, our $50 annual Substack membership will be 50% off.
Here’s what that includes:
All the free posts your little heart desires.
12 months of posts that only our paying subscribers can read, such as Cage Fight!!!…er, I mean…The Great Sunday Debate.
An annual PDF subscription to The American Bystander magazine.
A PDF copy of D. Watson’s Out of Line.
All the other benefits we add in the next 12 months to the $50 level. You’re grandfathered in.
Now listen up and this is important! All that you just read? That’s worth way more than twenty-five bucks. It’s worth way more than fifty bucks, too, but I won’t belabor the point. But here’s the thing I want you to pay attention to—we’re doing more issues in the next 12 months than ever, and we’re publishing more books than Don’s book. We’ve got more cool $&@# coming than ever before.
Okay, so we’re clear. You know what to do. And—if MG asks—you didn’t hear it from me.
We’ll come up with a story to tell Gerber when he gets back. Something-something software glitch. We were hacked by the GRU. Mice. Whatever, the best lies come on the spur of the moment. You know what? It’ll be fiiiiine.
Just…take advantage of this offer. I don’t want to lose my job for nothing.