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"We're on a Mission from God."
They're not gonna catch us.
Hello from the trenches a.k.a. the back-end of Bystander. Did you miss me?
Man oh MAN, I have been in the trenches. And it has suuuuhhhhccked. But like George Peppard with his cigar clamped between his teeth, I love it when a plan comes together.
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You already know about the new store. But there is a second secret thing that I’ve only hinted at.
No, no. I’m not going to ask you to buy anything. I just want to celebrate. So buckle up.
Real quick—does anyone have their phone handy? Awesome. Can you do me a solid and give the term “comedy magazine” a quick Google and tell me what the number one search result is?
That’s right, baby! American Bystander. We’re #1.
Oh, shit? While you have it out, can you check on “Best Comedy Magazine” for me? What does The Goog say is Le Best Comedy magazine?
Numéro un is…Le American Bystander. We’re #1.
How about humor, dahling? Shall we?
Boom! Bystander! Boom!
And best humor mag? Are you sensing a pattern?
You know it! Bystander! Fucken-A. That’s money, baby! Hell yeah!
This is not just to brag, although let’s be real this is worth bragging about. Bystander is amazing. It’s a showcase of the best work by the best people in comedy. Yet so few people know about it. And that fucking pisses me off.
(Hence the knife in the picture above. I’mma cut a big corporate media company.)
I’ve worked a string of nights so late, and days so long, the last thirty days that I can’t come up with an idiom to explain how ridiculous my habits have become without using the words “raccoon,” “marsupial,” or “crepuscular”—man, I have earned this blog post.
(Let me also say that it’s been so long since I’ve had a balanced meal we left “girl dinners” a fortnight ago and I’m suspected of having actual scurvy at this point.)
But I digress.
This is a post to say congratulations to us, all of us. Because if you’re here, you’re part of this. And guess what? You’re here at the beginning. To quote Elwood Blues, “They’re not gonna catch us. We’re on a mission from God.”
More people need to know.
This post was free. Subscribe to more like this, premium posts, and The American Bystander magazine in print or digital here: