Finally, a contest winner!
Better late than never
The inevitable excuse: magazine production is the most ruthless thing I know, crueler than either love or the IRS. Once begun, one must either finish the issue, or die.
So: Bystander #15 has taken over my life. The good news is, it’s really quite lovely—if you haven’t subscribed, now is the time. Should be printed in late June/early July.
Back in late April I asked Ye Great Washed Masses, “Take a famous line from a novel…and give us the rough draft. Here’s an example: ‘Call me Buzzy.’ [Moby-Dick]”
Well, as expected we got a profusion of funny entries. You are a funny lot with excellent taste. Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea came in for especially rough treatment, which is the price you pay for being read by generations of high schoolers.
I even got an email (last week? a month ago? time bends during production) asking for a winner because a couple of you were competing with each other. I hope there was money on the line, and if there was, next time tell me. I am Sicilian and have few scruples in such matters.
After much cogitation I hereby declare the winner to be: M. Abraham! M, email me to receive your 14 Bystanders in PDF or, if you’ve got all those, some other kool prize.
Here’s the entry:
“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: mouth half-open, my shirt soaked in drool.” [ after John Green, The Fault in Our Stars]
Why, if I were young and full of vigor, I might write a whole parody around that! I met John once—we were both living in Chicago, writing books and toiling in the literate dayjob demimonde. Nice guy.
Anyway, congratulations to M. Abraham! And thanks to all who entered, soaked in drool. ◊