Eight Sure-Fire COVID Pick Up Lines
by David Galef
"Gee, you smell great. Is that Purell?"
"People call me the Toilet Paper King."
"I've always adored a man in nitrile gloves."
"My brother's working on the vaccine."
"I haven't left my apartment since Christmas. You could practically eat off me."
"Oh, nothing exciting—I'm the CFO of a ventilator company."
[whisper] “ I’ve got Ativan.”
"You have beautiful eyes. I'll bet your nose and mouth are pretty, too."
DAVID GALEF is a writer and teacher living in Montclair, NJ, with an abundance of caution.