The American Bystander's Viral Load

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Eight Sure-Fire COVID Pick Up Lines

theamericanbystander.substack.com

Eight Sure-Fire COVID Pick Up Lines

by David Galef

Michael Gerber
May 28, 2020
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  1. "Gee, you smell great. Is that Purell?"

  2.  "People call me the Toilet Paper King." 

  3. "I've always adored a man in nitrile gloves." 

  4. "My brother's working on the vaccine." 

  5. "I haven't left my apartment since Christmas. You could practically eat off me." 

  6. "Oh, nothing exciting—I'm the CFO of a ventilator company." 

  7. [whisper] “ I’ve got Ativan.”

  8. "You have beautiful eyes. I'll bet your nose and mouth are pretty, too."

DAVID GALEF is a writer and teacher living in Montclair, NJ, with an abundance of caution.


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Ralph Gabriner
May 29, 2020Liked by Michael Gerber

I'm past the age of picking up or being picked up, but these lines are fresh. I hope I can remember them for the next life

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