David Hockney's Tricks of the Masters

BY MIKE REISS • Hello, I’m David Hockney, a painter best known for such works as “L.A. Swimming Pool, No. 1” and “L.A. Swimming Pool, No. 718”. In my first book, Secret Knowledge, I theorized that our greatest painters relied on “tricks”: Velasquez used the camera obscura; Ingres employed lenses and mirrors; Vermeer drew a turkey by tracing around his outstretched hand. Am I calling the Old Masters “cheaters”? Of course not. I’m merely saying they are all lazy no-talent bastards. Here are new theories about the great men of art, excerpted from my forthcoming book Good Grief—MORE Secret Knowledge: